Oh my heart...

photo credit

I have tried to sit down several times to write but haven't been able to find the words. Yes, I had several posts all lined up in my mind. One was going to be photos of some of our favorite tree ornaments - sweet and humorous stories about them. Another was going to be one of all the signs of Christmas going on around here - the happy excitement of Advent and family traditions. Yet another was to be an ode to my wonderful husband as we hit our 20th wedding anniversary on his birthday (yes, the same day), December 13th. 

But those posts didn't get written. December 14th happened and quite honestly, I have cried and been unable to write about what seems absolutely trivial, unimportant, and sorta flimsy in light of the heartbreak and sheer nightmare that families in Connecticut are living and breathing right now. Like all of you, I sat glued to my tv or computer most of Friday and the weekend (unless my little girls were around), just trying to wrap my mind around what had happened and putting myself in those families' place (just can't help myself). I felt destroyed. I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. It's really all one can do.

Monday's news of funerals and burials left me teary all throughout the day. How can it be that parents are having to bury their precious young children at Christmas time? Why, Lord? Why?

I have a six year old - I have had 6 six year olds. My heart hurts. This age is pure delight (well, ok, most of the time...). Oh God help us.

Amid the talk of stricter gun laws (ps - I hate guns) and improved care for those with mental illness (which I do agree needs to be addressed), and even all the talk about God not being allowed in our schools (which, although He lives in the hearts of students and teachers who are true believers, is altogether true), there are a couple of basic truths that are not being discussed.

Evil is real and here and seeks to destroy. No one really wants to say it.

This world is broken. God made it perfect and was WITH us until we, with our free will, decided to destroy the relationship with God by our greed and selfishness and sin. Ever since then, God was planning a way to redeem the relationship and bring us back into relationship with Him. His promise was fulfilled in a broken and messy world by the birth of a baby. The dark world that He sent His only son into, was a time, much like ours. There was hatred and violence, poverty and need.  Jesus came into a poor, messy, violent, and dark world. The world needed Jesus then. We need him now. Oh Lord Jesus.

(note the nativity set amid the "messy" dining table covered in my teenagers' school papers, etc)

And so, my posts will resume, probably in a day or two. I will probably end up doing a few Christmas posts (complete with ornaments, decorations, and traditions). I will also share some wedding photos. But for now,  I continue to pray and thank God for the baby Jesus who came down into our dark and messy world.

Amid the darkness there is still hope. Amid the darkness there is still Joy.