Forever changed...

I've had a blog post floating around in my head for weeks. As I have said a few times before, I am not a writer. I wish it flowed from my heart and head to the keys on this computer, but it doesn't. Here goes...

I am blessed. I have been blessed beyond measure with good health, good parents, great childhood, enough money, college, jobs, healthcare, marriage to an amazing man, children, a beautiful home, wonderful memories, and then more children. I live in a free country and a beautiful town. God has been incredibly gentle with me. He has walked beside me through the darkest days after losing my father tragically, through the heights of marriage and birthing babies, to the last few years of struggle and joy as our family has wobbled while trying to find a new normal with the addition of our girls.

All the trials and moments have been proof of my God's mercy and faithfulness, His love and kindness, His discipline and guidance. I fail miserably some days, yet He picks me up and lets me start over, each and every day. He forgives my stubborn ways, my sometimes quick temper,  my rough edges - and He is smoothing them out with His forgiveness and love.

The greatest blessing of my life is knowing the truth, asking Jesus into my life and knowing that following Him is the only way to real life and real joy.  I want my life to be used by Him and for Him and to point others to Him. I want my eyes and heart to focus on the things that truly matter to Him - a hard thing to do in a materialistic world that says "it's all about me." I actually made the decision a long time ago that I wanted my life to matter in God's eyes - no one else's. That I wanted to do big things for Him. That I wanted our family to be a light in this world of so much darkness.

     Having four children in a 6 year span and homeschooling them all seemed my "big thing to do for Him." Raising my children to know and love God, to learn His Word, has been my full time job for the last 13 years. It has been a journey - exhausting and rewarding in a way I will never be able to explain - the words fail me. The memories and time with my children has been nothing short of fantastic. I will never regret our call and decision to follow God down the homeschool path and for the years we have spent learning and growing together.

And then came adoption.

Our adoption  - the decision to follow God down a path that seemed crazy and ridiculously expensive and overwhelming to some. It seemed crazy and ridiculously expensive and overwhelming to us. Jumping off a cliff (and believe me, that is really how it feels) is scary and "lump-in-your-throat" terrifying and also the most beautiful and awesome thing ever. To know God in a whole new way sounds too trite to explain it. To see God do miracles for children who are forgotten and abandoned half the way across the globe and to work out details and money needs and travel and ... the list goes on - this is to see a side of God that I could never have seen before.

Jemila and Kulate the day after they entered the orphanage in 2008

The girls on Jemila's 8th birthday 2012

Our God is about adoption. He loves children and longs for us to help orphans and widows. This is where His heart is and to be a part of that is just not like anything I can even express. To now see our girls bubbling with excitement over something they just learned, or giggling as they ice skate, or drawing pretty pictures, or singing praises in church - well, it's a feeling I can't even explain. To think that God used me and my family in some way so powerful to set these little girls in a family with love and the knowledge of Him, well, it is just too much for this challenged writer to put down here.

I am forever changed.

It is hard to look at life the same now. The things and ways I spent my time in the past seem empty and unnecessary. My priorities have changed and the things of this world do not entice me in the way that knowing and being a part of what is close to God's heart does.  Going to Africa shook me up and put me back together in a whole new way. Life will never be the same.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27)

("I am happy that I am me and I am happy that I have a Mom and  I have a Dad" - Jemila)

This blog post can be found on Deathbygreatwall.com as part of a link up to adoption stories. Head over there to check out some other wonderful adoption stories!

Hundreds of Hats

 I love to knit. I love to knit hats. Baby hats.  They are quick and cute and necessary and allow for lots and lots of creativity. They take just a little yarn to knit up and ALWAYS put a smile on a new momma's face! Five years ago, I was knitting them so often that I decided to give it a whirl (is that a word??) and open an Etsy shop (see The Mustard Seed button to the right).  I even tried selling at craft shows, consignment, and sold lots to friends. I even paid for all of our Christmas presents one year with what I made just knitting little hats! I found that starting a new little hat every few days kept my short attention span at bay, kept me from snacking at night, and always gave me a little something to do while waiting for an appointment or activity with the kids.

Our two beautiful Ethiopian daughters benefited from my hats during our adoption as I knitted to help pay for adoption fees.  These days I don't knit much for profit. My Etsy store (see on the right) is often empty. I will have a creative energy surge every now and then and knit up a few for the store but mostly my efforts have been gifts or for donations.

Sometime in the last year, a friend we met during our adoption, posted on Facebook about a missionary doctor working in Soddo, Ethiopia. Never heard of it? Well, the two Ethiopian faces above were born there and lived their early years there. This doctor, Dr. Hail, is working in a hospital there delivering babies and caring for women. From reading her blog it is apparent that she is doing many more things there as well.

When I first looked at her blog, I was excited to see that among her requested items she could use at the hospital were BABY HATS!! YAY! I can do that!

So I advertised and asked other friends/family who knit, if they would help me make 100 hats for Soddo! Several helped me out, and I knit a whole lotta hats and...voila...100 hats!

The girls and I put together little cards to attach to the hats - they have a crayon colored heart and the word "Love" in Amharic (tho' the language in Soddo is Wolaitan, I believe they are close and that the intention will be received).

What a joy to be able to give a little something back to such a special place with such meaning for our family. The hats will go to premie and newborn babies of rural and very poor women to help the babies survive a very critical time right after birth when they are vulnerable to changes in the temperature - mostly at night, and unable to regulate their own body temperature. 

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A whole lotta love...

I must admit I have been a bit of a Pinterest addict lately. It's a little like impulse buying: see it - like it - want it - get it - have it. Well, you don't actually get "it" but you will forever have the link (directions, recipe, printout, or whatever) so that "someday" you will get around to making it, sewing it, cooking it, doing it, printing it, etc. So it sorta feels like "buying" it...it is a bit addicting, I must admit.

Valentine's Day is a holiday that I love - I love red and hearts... and of course, I love "love." Nerd. Ah well. I enjoy candy hearts (a little too much I am afraid) and making valentine cards with the kids is always fun.

So this year, I had a wonderful Pinterest bulletin board of all sorts of fabulous foods, decor, crafts that fit with Valentine's Day and I was determined to DO them! So we decided to share a little love with our wonderful Lifegroup (are you a part of a Lifegroup or small home group through your church? It is a wonderful thing!).

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We decorated with Pinterest inspired balloon strings and made heart shaped crayons (those required a bit of work on the little girls' part throughout the week) and gave out little bags of crayons and candy hearts!  It was so fun and a great way to tell our friends how much they mean to us!!

The girls had fun making their valentine cards for school friends and it was fun talking about what love means for family, God, friends.

Until the next time...

I want to live like that

Sometimes I think 
What will people say of me 
When I'm only just a memory 
When I'm home where my soul belongs 

Was I love 
When no one else would show up 
Was I Jesus to the least of those 
Was my worship more than just a song 

I want to live like that 
And give it all I have 
So that everything I say and do 
Points to You 

If love is who I am 
Then this is where I'll stand 
Recklessly abandoned 
Never holding back 

I want to live like that 
I want to live like that 

Am I proof 
That You are who you say You are 
That grace can really change a heart 
Do I live like Your love is true 

People pass 
And even if they don't know my name 
Is there evidence that I've been changed 
When they see me, do they see You 

I want to live like that 
And give it all I have 
So that everything I say and do 
Points to You 

If love is who I am 
Then this is where I'll stand 
Recklessly abandoned 
Never holding back 

I want to live like that 
I want to live like that 


I want to show the world the love You gave for me 
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King 

I want to live like that 
And give it all I have 
So that everything I say and do 
Points to You 

If love is who I am 
Then this is where I'll stand 
Recklessly abandoned 
Never holding back 

I want to live like that 
I want to live like that

(The Sidewalk Prophets)

Oops...I've done it again...

Yikes! Where has the time gone????? I am just the worst blogger! Life has been busy and full and for the most part, fun! I am so tired by the time I get to sit down and even have the chance to blog, that I don't! Ah well, I am determined to keep it up somehow and will try my best to keep at it. Not so sure anyone reads this blog but me...but hey, thought I still needed to explain myself (to myself...??)

It is April and Spring and I don't think there is any time in the year that I like better than the fresh new Spring days when things start to come alive and green and colorful. Gone are coats and boots and mittens and I just love it. We had such a mild winter in Virginia this year - two snow days where the kids actually had to wear boots (of course, it was the ONE year that everyone had a pair that fit when it snowed) and got to sled. Rather a dull winter actually tho' I was secretly loving it.

Christmas was awesome. In fact, it may have been our best one yet. It was low key and full of family time. As much as we love our extended families coming for visits (a yearly tradition) we didn't have any visitors until later in the week this time (Jill and family came for New Years which was awesome). This gave us nearly a week to "hunker down" together, do our traditions like the ginger bread house, cookies, gift wrapping, and Christmas movies - alone. We were able to focus more (never enough) on the beautiful gift of Jesus for which we celebrate. Everyone got along so well, and we played lots of games and  - well, it was just great.

We were so busy in the weeks before Christmas (with The Nutcracker and other activities) that it was just nice not to go anywhere or have anything rushing us around.  Kate was in The Nutcracker this year which was neat for her. She has been doing ballet since she was 2 and a half - yes, you read that right. She was begging to do ballet when she was 2!!! (no, I was not a stage mom urging her to want to dance). So we started her in a little pre-ballet class during the summer before she turned 3. She has danced ever since (she is 15). She is a beautiful dancer. Ballet has always been her love but she is also finding she loves jazz, modern and lyrical as well. All these years of dance, and Kate never got to be in The Nutcracker until this year when her dance company performed it. She was a wonderful, high-jumping rat, and a flower in the Waltz of the Flowers. Seven performances later and we had all had it with the music but were so glad she finally had the chance to perform in this production. Sadly, this is the only photo I have on my computer (have some professional ones). She's not even in full rat costume here...but you get the idea!

We were much more low key on presents - but had a last minute bonus from work which enabled us to get a few extra surprise gifts that people weren't expecting. Everyone loved what they got and it was just a wonderful family time. I just loved being cozy with my family and not going ANYWHERE. Here are some more pictures of our Christmas time fun!

P.S. FAKE TATOO (from the dollar store and - his favorite gift!! Bleh...)

2012 is calling...

Yes, I know I haven't even made it through Christmas 2011 yet. The presents are not completely done (in fact, all my "I'm gonna make that for ___ this year!!" stuff hasn't even been made yet...do you think there is still time??). But I have simplifying, decluttering, and organization on my mind...

Maybe I've spent too much time on Pinterest lately, but I am itching to get my house COMPLETELY cleaned out and organized. I have been on a quest to simplify this year. WHAT?? (I know any of you who know me are thinking "what the???"). With 6 kids who are all over the place with activities, college, school, homeschool co-ops, etc., it is virtually impossible to have a "simple" life! But (trying not to sound too proud of myself here...but hey, I am). I have made some specific changes in my schedule.

It meant dropping out of several things I enjoy (singing in praise band, book club, game group with friends, not sending Christmas cards) but man, it feels good!!! I have realized over the years that when I am not home, life gets chaotic. I will do all these things I enjoy again, and for me, I don't long for time out of the house. I am also allowing myself to "not get everything done to feel good about how I am doing as a mom." (this refers to Christmas cards - the stress of getting a good picture - not sure it's possible with 6!). I am already so much happier and less stressed.

Which brings me to my next plan...2012  will be my year to get my home simplified - decluttered and organized and clean!!! YEE HAA - I am excited...

Found some amazing ideas, free printouts, and challenges over at A Bowl Full of Lemons.
Was so excited to actually find a challenge, to "link up" - I was just feeling so "bloggery."  Here's the challenge:

                            
Until I realized...the challenge was LAST YEAR!!!! HAHAHA!! I am a year too late!?!??

WHAT???!!?

Well, I will be doing it anyway...grrr... Will have to follow her posts from a year ago but love her ideas and might even (dare I say it), join up on her new one too...gotta go off and read up...

First stop is a home management notebook (oooo love all the papers and tabs and lists!!!! I love lists soooo much...it is accomplishing the items on lists that I often have trouble with...lol).

So, be watching for my updates on getting this place in order! First plan: Target - for a totally cute notebook and a LABEL MAKER (Christmas present for moi!).

Real Christmas happens in the mall...

Woke to find this youtube video on Facebook today and was so excited. It kinda goes along with my last post (which, by the way, I reread and worry that it sounds rather preachy, sorry). I am just craving the simple message of Christmas. 

Speaking of which, we went to Bethlehem yesterday! Yes, we followed the star in the sky (a cool spotlight we could see as we approached Afton, VA's live nativity village). The kids (we took the younger four) were amazed about this oddity in the sky. They didn't know where we were going and were so concerned about the ray of light shining down from the sky. I kept thinking "Wait for it...wait for it..." I was waiting for someone to finally make the connection that it looked like the Bethlehem star. And someone did! We enjoyed our walk through the village, seeing the animals and characters of the Christmas story and some cookies and warm apple cider. It was a sweet memory...

Enjoy the video - just wish something like this would happen when I am present...ok, actually the inner actress/singer in me longs to be in one of these someday...ah, a girl can dream...

Believe...

Believe...Not sure if it was with the Polar Express movie popularity, or for what reason, but the term "Believe" seems to have been so popular over the past few years, particularly at Christmas time. I have always been a bit perplexed by it...and sometimes bothered.

What is it that people "believe?" Is it that Christmas will be Merry? Is it that they will score the best gifts and make everyone happy with what they find under the tree? Is it that Santa will come? Is it the belief in Santa? Is it that all will be perfect at Christmas? That family will get along? That there is some sort of "magic" that happens at Christmas?

Seeing the word "Believe" all over in a world that has become increasingly secular, materialistic, and preoccupied with making itself happy and content, has frankly, made me squirm.

I want a happy Christmas with happy children and happy family relations, but that isn't what "believe" is for me.

I have been sick over the last week, tired, overwhelmed with all on my to-do list, having to deal with an issue that at the moment, could threaten to steal away my "believe" if it all hinged on everything being magical and good.

But that is not what I believe...

What I believe is much bigger than that. What I believe never changes, is always true, is always joy and is the same year to year, despite what is happening in my life. I believe in a savior. Jesus came in a humble way, as a little baby, to be with us on earth. He lived a humble life while fulfilling his purpose to show us what God was like and then to die to make it possible for us to be with God.

I believe...